slacker beyond measure

So... I have not been going down to the fitness room during my lunch, I have worked out once at home... and I gave up on giving up pop! To say the least I have been pretty discouraged by everything. I am the type of person that needs to see results asap. When I didn't see an ounce of difference in the way that I felt and the extra pounds hanging from my bones after I gave up pop for over 1 1/2 months, I basically figured it didn't matter if I drank it or not. I also just haven't really had to energy or motivation to work out. My daughter is going to be a year old in about three weeks and I haven't lost more than five pounds since about a month after she was born... no matter what I do. At this point I'm planning my own little fast of sorts. Which means I'm basically going to eat a lot less. I've noticed that whether I eat a small breakfast or not, I usually get hungry around the same time right around 11am. So I figure that there isn't really a point in forcing myself to eat at 9am when I'm not really hungry, when I'm just going to get hungry whether I've eaten two hours before that or not. Lunch is a must... but dinner is going to be less important these days since I typically don't get any food in me until about 7 or 8 anyway... sometimes even 9. Eating that late in the day is really bad and kind of sabotaging any hopes of losing the weight since it just sits in my stomach all night... so I'm planning to either eat some veggies, or drink some v8 and be done with it. I am very aware of how unhealthy this sounds, but I'm at my breaking point and I admit it... I need to see some kind of results before I will regain any kind of motivation. Oh... and I'm going back to no pop for most days, but I'm not going to tell myself that I CAN'T have it, but rather, won't have it most of the time just because it's really not healthy.

I have spent the last year not wanting to do any kind of major change to my diet because I've been nursing my daughter this whole time... but that is going to change very soon to only once or twice per day... before bed and first thing in the morning... so I can focus now on dropping this disgusting weight I've allowed myself to gain.

Is it over?

It has been over a month now since I stopped drinking pop. I haven't touched it since, not even one single sip. Now I'm wondering... will I ever have it again? Is it like alcohol... if I have any it will cause a horrible slide down the the bottom of where I started? I still crave it sometimes, I gaze longingly at my husbands ice cold mountain dew... and then I chug a huge glass of water like I'm dying.

On a pathetic note... I have not been working out much. Actually, twice now that I've gotten on the elliptical out of the last three times I've worked out, I had to stop around 15 minutes because I feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm not sure what is causing this. I have enough water and food beforehand... and I know I can do about 25 minutes now... but things really started to get a little hazy and I didn't want to take any chances. It makes me feel like such a failure, and then it also causes my motivation to go and do it again even lower than it normally is. I would like to say I'm going to do the "30 Day Shred" DVD tomorrow morning after Audrey has breakfast... but odds are I won't... Lets see if I can prove myself wrong! :)

It's exhausting

Two days straight I've worked out in the office fitness room. Yesterday I felt like I was going to pass out, so I only made it to 17 minutes on the elliptical... but pushed myself to still do 100 crunches, I figured if I passed out, I was already laying on the floor, lol! Today I made it to my personal goal for the moment of 25 minutes and 100 crunches. I'm hoping to get to 30 minutes within another week or two. Tomorrow my workout buddy and I have decided to take a brisk walk outside during the lovely weather that has been forecasted.
I have the "30 Day Shred" DVD at home, only tried it once, I just can't seem to push myself to workout once at home with sunshine. I've had a co-worker borrow it, and then go out and buy her own copy, and has now been doing it for over two weeks with some slight results... but I can't seem to do it when I've owned the DVD for months! Maybe I will get some guts to do it over the weekend... I am in better shape than I was when I first attempted it and couldn't even get through the whole 30 minutes!

Still no pop... I wonder when I will ever allow myself to have it again, I'm almost afraid to... like it will be a failure if I give in, even after so long...

More Motivated than Expected!

So I can officially say that I have not had SODA POP in over three weeks now! It's been YEARS since I could say that... and even then I was probably forgetting a sip here or there. After many moments of almost taking a sip of my husbands Mountain Dew, or like Saturday night when I was craving a can so badly I could taste it... I've stuck to it and continued to drink mostly water. When I was having the urge on Saturday, I drank a huge glass of water and was so full afterward that I would not have had any room for pop. I'm really proud of myself that I didn't give in!

I am still surprised that I have not really lost much weight though. I thought that maybe this would be the trick to a sudden drop. I have noticed a slight difference in the way my clothes fit, and I'm certainly not so bloated all the time... who would have thought that "no more pop" would help all that.

On the other hand, I have not been working out. I was feeling absolutely horrible yesterday, and today I had to run some errands during my lunch to get some organic fruit and apple sauce for my sweet girl... only the best for my sunshine! I hope to work out the rest of the week... Wed, Thurs, Fri. (Since I doubt I will be doing anything over the long weekend... well, besides organizing my home a bit... so needed!)

A Brisk Walk on a Sunny Day

Yesterday was not a good day at work during the early hours and by the time my lunch hour arrived I was in no mood to push myself to work out. I talked with my friend and decided our time would be well spent taking a walk outside in the lovely weather. We walked and talked and for the most part I felt good afterword knowing that I didn't just sit on my butt the whole time to return from lunch to sit on my butt again for the remainder of the day, even if the only benefit was the fresh air.

Today I also decided to take a walk, this time alone due to the absence of my friend. I slipped on my awesome new sneakers (which were bought because pregnancy has evidently made all of my other shoes shrink...) and headed outside. I walked a bit faster today than I had yesterday and I was really feeling it after a little bit... in my shins more than anything. I also started to feel a slight pull in my abs on the sides... maybe power walking does more for me than I think it does... maybe even more than 25 minutes on the elliptical. I should look that up. The weather was once again quite beautiful. It's been around 75 degrees outside the last two days and mostly sunny. Overall I feel it was a lovely idea... making me think this will be my normal routine on those gorgeous autumn days that are headed our way.

That's a big negative!

In regards to my goal of either working out when I got home from work yesterday, or working out early this morning... I failed! My sweet sunshine has woken up two days in a row now exactly an hour before I need to get up for work. She not only just wakes up... she wakes up crying... a cry that is so sad and pathetic that it breaks my heart. She wouldn't lay back down for me, even after I gave in and nursed her a couple hours earlier than normal. When I laid her back down her cry was not nearly as bad as when she first woke up, but it was enough to completely drain me emotionally as I had to let her cry it out and fall back asleep since I knew there was nothing physically wrong with her that I could tell, and nothing more that I could personally do for her. I mean, I know that I could have easily held her until she fell asleep, but it does more emotional damage long term than letting her cry it out... which I think is really more damaging to me in the long run. I'm sure she has completely forgotten about it by now, while I still shudder at the memory. It only took 20 minutes until she was completely quite, it seemed so much longer!

All morning I was barely able to keep my eyes open and didn't even want to think about working out... but I forced myself... I knew if I didn't I would not only be tired, but also feeling guilty. 25 minutes was spent on the elliptical because that is all I'm able to push myself to do still at this point... that is all I have time to do anyway in order to also fit in 100 crunches before I have to throw my work clothes back on and run back up to the office. In another couple months, my daughter will no longer be getting most of her food from me, therefor I will have more time during my lunch hour and should be able to get up to at least 40 min at that point.

I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks now, but I really don't want to since my clothes aren't fitting me any differently. Over two weeks without drinking pop or any other high sugar beverage for that matter and I don't feel any different! This is quite a disappointment so far. I don't do so well with slow results. I only want to keep doing something if I know it's actually doing something... and I see nothing so far... the idea of results is the only thing still pushing me at this point.

Two weeks and counting...

since I've had my last sip of pop. I wanted to beat my poor husband yesterday after he kept having me hold his can of mountain dew for many different reasons... that was a real test. At one point I yelled at him for it, but then had to give myself a little pat on the back for being so aware of my goal. I had to give up my goal of working out today on the other hand because I'm sad to say that I need new shoes. Pregnancy really does a number on you... but you don't often think about the long term effects on your feet! I heard that it happens, but just hoped it wouldn't to me. Lasting 25 minutes (all I have worked up to so far) on the elliptical is hard enough without also dealing with cramped and throbbing toes... I doubt I'm actually using the machine correctly at that point.

Next goal, force my lazy butt to work out after I get home at the end of the day... that is a tall order. I can't even remember the last time I did that! I'm sure it's been years. Working out in the morning before my sunshine got here was a little more do-able than it is now, though I'm sure that's more likely than trying to work out after I get home after working all day. Hmm... I guess we will see if I feel adventurous when I get home tonight, or if I can force myself to get out of bed early tomorrow morning... I'll let you know.

Motivation... where are you?

I've been doing great... still have not gone back to my carbonated habit. Even on a horrible day like yesterday when a wonderful icy cold, bubbly beverage sounded amazing, I held off and had an ice tea which is only slightly bad for me. I've had a couple "Mike's Hard Margaritas" a few times this week to curb the stress which is a little too close to pop than I usually like to admit, but since they are about $8 for six, this habit won't last past the two I have left in my fridge that I plan on consuming tomorrow evening to celebrate getting through another work week.

On the other hand, I have not stuck to getting back to working out during my lunch hour. I was really proud of myself for pushing myself to work out Monday and Tuesday this week. I did 25 minutes on the elliptical and 100 crunches. Yesterday was an extremely bad day and without my workout buddy pushing me to go workout with her (it was her off day since she's already skinny and gorgeous) I just didn't have it in me to force myself to go and sweat out my frustrations. Today I was hit with "the curse" and decided lunch was better spent running some errands for the company picnic we are having next Friday.

Will I push myself to work out tomorrow??? I had these amazing plans to go home yesterday, nurse my sunshine, and then let her watch and laugh at mommy while I grunt and groan through "the 30 day shred"... but then as I was driving to pick her up, a little chuckle slipped out as I thought about my oh so amazing plans. I must find where my devious friend, Motivation, has been hiding from me. I try all the tricks to help push me a little more, keep those cute jeans a couple sizes too small out and available, I put a skinny version of myself on the fridge to remind me to eat right... now I need some friendly workout reminders to make me want to sweat and gasp for air as I do exercises that I hate... any suggestions?

8 Days!

I have not had even a single sip of pop since Sunday of last week! I'm so proud of myself! The want for one doesn't really go away, especially when I make frozen pizza... oh well that's one more think I really shouldn't be ingesting so maybe I can solve another problem. lol! I have increased my water intake a bit... though I have not seen much of an improvement of any kind... not sure what I was expecting really... I'm just making more trips to the lady's room. Maybe it's more of a long term benefit... I'll have to keep it up and wait to see.

I started working out again yesterday. I'm not sure I've ever dreaded my lunch hour so much... and I feel the same once again today. If it didn't take so long to see results I don't think it would be so hard to motivate myself.

Day Four... I'm on a roll!

After so much time of my life has been spent consuming this wonderful bubbly beverage... I'm shocked that it's been four days now since I had any pop and it's not even that big of a deal. I did get a headache on the first and second day, but that has to do with the crazy amount of caffeine that is in Mountain Dew.

I'm also happy to say there is no longer any pie in my fridge since I ate the last piece of it last night. Now you understand why I have been able to stay away from the candy bowl when I have had key lime pie in my freezer for the last two weeks! It is a major treat for me since I almost never get it. I didn't even bother looking at the calorie count or fat content... I knew that I wasn't going to have anything else like it for a long time... so I gave into my weakness. Now that it's gone... no more sweets for me for a while.

On a fun note, Sunshine got her first treat this past weekend. I got her some all natural peach frozen yogurt, and peach sorbet. I gave her a small t-spoon of each in a bowl and fed it to her. Her expressions were so cute... strange at first, then curious, then "MORE?" I wonder how hard it would be to make peach sorbet... I make all of her other food...

Sunshine's nine month doctor visit is tonight and I'm actually excited about it since she isn't due for any shots... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like shouting that with a mega phone right now! I'm worried that it will give her with a false sense of hope for her next appt though, or maybe it's just me I'm worried about with all that. I am slightly concerned about what I will hear tonight, her last appt the doctor made me cry! She told me that I should be putting sunshine to bed at 6pm, even though that's when I get home from work! She said that is just one of the sacrifices we have to deal with as working mothers, and that is what the weekends are for. I wanted to walk out right then, or hit her... especially since they had already made me wait over an hour before the doctor came in for her six month checkup because she was running behind that day... not cool, you can't do that with an infant! I remember I had scheduled the appt to work around her feeding and napping schedule, and of course that didn't work out at all. But my sweet sunshine was still all smiles once the doctor came in, and completely passed out within minutes of finally being in the car.

I can't wait for them to see her tonight... she is growing into such a little doll baby! (Not like she wasn't before, haha)

Introducing...

My favorite reason as to why I can't fit into all my clothes... she is now 9 months old. I could really spend all of my time just staring at her... I think this is where my problem is... I'm obsessed and completely in love with my daughter, she is the word's most perfect creation... how do I give up time with her???

Pop... it has to go!

Call it what you may... Pop, Soda, Coke (referring to all types of carbonated beverages... must have been a southern thing), I have to give it up. I never would have said that I'm a regular pop drinker... but in all reality I am. If I can consume a can everyday... even just one... if it's there I drink it... then I'm a regular. I cut back when I was pregnant, on most days I would only have a few sips of my husbands Mountain Dew if I was really tired or really craving the carbonation. See, that is the real problem... the carbonation has some magical way of pulling me in, especially when the pop is very cold. I LOVE A&W Root beer... especially when eating pizza, I love a fresh fountain coke from McDonalds, I love an icy cold Mountain Dew on a hot summer day. IT HAS TO STOP!

For the last two weeks I've been telling myself that I need to stop drinking it, I've done it before, I can do it again! Yesterday was the first day that I didn't have a single one, not even a sip from my husbands. It's hard because my office now supplies a plethora of types in the kitchen fridge, and my husband is truly addicted to Mountain Dew having at least four every single day. So far today I haven't had one either. The next thing I would like to give up is my morning coffee with flavored creamer. I have never been the type of person to really enjoy saying that "i need" something. I feel like whatever it may be... controls me, it has a say to how my day is going to go, if I'm going to be in a good mood or not... all with if I have it or not.

Something else that I'm happy to say I have not had in a couple weeks now... chocolate from the office candy bowl! The last two days have been hard since they added little wrapped "Mounds"... YUM!!! But as I almost stopped for one an hour or so ago, I thought about how long it's been and how I wouldn't be able to say that it's been a while since I gave in... if I actually gave in. So... I continue my candy aversion power... for now.

So far today I've had:
Breakfast: Coffee, cherry almond instant oatmeal
snack: yogurt and a fiber one bar

Lunch: healthy request frozen meal (one of the new steamer ones without the pasta) and some mixed veggies... cause I didn't like the veggies that came in the meal.
snack: cantaloupe and red grapes

Water so far: about four cups.

The truth of it all...

I have to confess, I don't enjoy working out, and I love food. I use to be a tiny thing... 5'7" and barely 120lbs. A few years ago I was working out like crazy and uncomfortable at 140lbs while in California and did everything to get down to 135lbs and was content. When I got pregnant back in the beginning of 2009 I was about 160-170lbs and horrified by the amount of weight I had allowed myself to gain and covered up all the time and by the time I went into labor I was 215lbs. Now, 9 months after giving birth... I am 187lbs. I had read all these things about how breastfeeding helps you to lose the baby weight, and if that is the case, I would be scared to know what my weight would be had I decided to supplement!

Most days I have a packet of instant oatmeal for breakfast with some coffee. For lunch I have leftovers or I order a sandwich from somewhere nearby. For dinner I have anything from pizza to baked chicken and veggies. I also admit that I don't work out... pretty much at all. I sit at a desk all day in front of a computer. I drive for almost 40min to get to work, and then almost an hour to pick up my sunshine after work. Then I get home and nurse my sunshine, then I start dinner, feed sunshine her dinner, give her a bath some days... and/or eat dinner myself at that point. Shortly after I have to get my sunshine ready for bed, read her a story, nurse again, and put her to bed. I have roughly about an hour to myself before I go to bed myself... and then I do it all over again the next day.

I had switched back to my hour lunch a month or so ago in hopes that I would start working out again in the fitness room on the first floor of my office building... but I am out of shape and get very gross after a work out and would rather not rush back for another three hours at my desk right after that... YUCK! I know I could take my sunshine for walks in her stroller when I first get home and it would be good for both of us, but I can't see her or hold her when I do that... NO FUN! On another subject, I need to eat better too, with better portion sizes, but I have no clue how to do that and when I do know, I have no motivation to stick to it.

I have really put myself in quite a position and would be happy to be back at 140lbs simply because I have nothing to wear and most of my wardrobe fits the 140lb version of me.

Any ideas? Anyone else in this same boat?