Tuesday, August 24, 2010

That's a big negative!

In regards to my goal of either working out when I got home from work yesterday, or working out early this morning... I failed! My sweet sunshine has woken up two days in a row now exactly an hour before I need to get up for work. She not only just wakes up... she wakes up crying... a cry that is so sad and pathetic that it breaks my heart. She wouldn't lay back down for me, even after I gave in and nursed her a couple hours earlier than normal. When I laid her back down her cry was not nearly as bad as when she first woke up, but it was enough to completely drain me emotionally as I had to let her cry it out and fall back asleep since I knew there was nothing physically wrong with her that I could tell, and nothing more that I could personally do for her. I mean, I know that I could have easily held her until she fell asleep, but it does more emotional damage long term than letting her cry it out... which I think is really more damaging to me in the long run. I'm sure she has completely forgotten about it by now, while I still shudder at the memory. It only took 20 minutes until she was completely quite, it seemed so much longer!

All morning I was barely able to keep my eyes open and didn't even want to think about working out... but I forced myself... I knew if I didn't I would not only be tired, but also feeling guilty. 25 minutes was spent on the elliptical because that is all I'm able to push myself to do still at this point... that is all I have time to do anyway in order to also fit in 100 crunches before I have to throw my work clothes back on and run back up to the office. In another couple months, my daughter will no longer be getting most of her food from me, therefor I will have more time during my lunch hour and should be able to get up to at least 40 min at that point.

I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks now, but I really don't want to since my clothes aren't fitting me any differently. Over two weeks without drinking pop or any other high sugar beverage for that matter and I don't feel any different! This is quite a disappointment so far. I don't do so well with slow results. I only want to keep doing something if I know it's actually doing something... and I see nothing so far... the idea of results is the only thing still pushing me at this point.

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