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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

My love for food

It goes back for as long as I can remember. Most of my great memories involve food somehow, Christmas dinner at my Grammie's house when I was little and eating Christmas Pie... going out to eat with my Grandparents in the summers, midnight treats at my Grandparents: ice cream, rice cakes with cream cheese, english muffins with peanut butter, etc. Chocolate during holidays... grilling out in the summers... etc.  I LOVE food, good food!  I plan for meals weeks in advance... and most of the time they are not that healthy (because I have a habit of making a healthy meal a non healthy meal by adding cheese and sour cream and butter.) Then, I eat way too much.  When we order pizza I often eat more than my husband... it tastes so good I just can't stop... I will eat two more pieces after I'm fully aware that I am full and shouldn't eat any more.  What the heck is wrong with me?  It's like a sickness, could it be an addiction? The worst part is, I CRAVE foods, I crave them and think about them constantly until I have them. Pizza, burritos, key lime pie, chicken alfredo, chips and salsa, loaded baked potatoes... etc.

I'm admitting all of this because I've been fully aware of it for quite a long time but I'm not sure how to change it.  I envy the people that say they forget to eat sometimes, food isn't that important to them, they eat only to survive... isn't that the purpose of food... you eat because your body needs food to live.  But, with the way I eat, it's not just for survival.  I also have different eating habits for when I'm all alone... I eat more, and I eat things that I would be embarrassed to eat in front of others. There are times that I feel like one of those girls with an eating disorder... binging on a bunch of things because I crave the flavors... but the purging part never happens and then I just feel sick for the rest of the night.  Example: Last night I had dinner which was pork chops on the grill, veggies, and mashed potatoes. Then I had two bowls of cereal. Then I had some raisins, then a package of fruit snacks, and then a handfull of M&M's.  Why?... boredom... craving the different flavors and textures.

I have a problem. It needs to stop... but how?  Thankfully I'm not like this every day. But I absolutely get into a pattern... which needs to end.

I need to change how I think of food... but how???

1 comment:

Jen said...

I'm so glad to read your blog again!! I have been wanting to respond to your notes, but you don't have an email address linked up to your blog. Just real quick - I thought about you on my trip to Sandusky/Catawba - especially when we were at Mon Ami. I remember going there with you guys and you ordered a filet mignon. :)

Anyway, I am SO right there with you when it comes to food. It's literally one of the first things I think about every day. It's a miracle I don't weigh 300 pounds, but I am at my highest weight, which feels so yucky. Maybe we can motivate each other!